Jumbo’s Clown Room

Jumbo’s Clown Room: Do To Me What You Will

Jumbo’s Clown Room ┬ájust called “Jumbo’s” by loyalists is a divinely dirty and sublimely nasty little sinkhole to abandon your conscience, dial into your liver and call your soul. It’s on vacation.

Part dive bar, part burlesque dance revue this Hollywood staple has been around since the seventies. And it looks it.

Jumbo's Exterior
The Serpent’s Den

It’s located in a ghetto fabulous shopping plaza, the entrance a ominous firey red brick wall with a black awning and a faded retro orange sign. A dancer bathes in a champagne glass and at night the sign sparkles from the blinking round dusty bulbs.

Jumbo’s Clown Room offers everything your little inner piggy desires. Hard booze. Arctic cold beer and heaping amounts lurid sensuality.

I mean these women can hypnotize you with their movement. F*cking snake charmers is what they are. Well most of them anyway and the ones that aren’t, they make up for it in other ways.

Their is no nudity and, no, I don’t care. Mostly because the lack of nipple and beaver produces a plus of cool clientele and zero attitude. No college kids, no meatheads and no waxed douches. Just your garden variety nice divey dirtbags looking for a little Tabasco with their tequila. Couples attend as well as hordes of vagina baring weekend warriors.

They all come and make it rain on these stilettoed sex assassins with leaf blowers and these entertainers deserve every penny. Their routines are playful, naughty and require serious technique and skill. I mean, shit, some of the things they do boggle my brain. They defy laws of physics and body mechanics. Their outfits are creative and alluring. Their bodies, well, I’m in love with my girlfriend so I’ll just say they really, really don’t suck.

There is an inherent respect for these girls and their talent as trained dancers. Because of that, they freely hang out with the patrons and watch their sisters in crime scissor their way through the pockets of man.

There is a rotation of ladies that perform, their names and order of appearance written on a small chalkboard off stage. If you stay long enough and I always do, you’ll see the same girls perform different routines.

They do NOT serve complicated cocktails at Jumbo’s Clown Room so don’t even bother asking. If it requires more than two ingredients you are shit out of luck.

They do offer lap dances though I’ve never gotten one nor have I seen many performed though I admit I’m not looking. My eyes are either on stage or on my whiskey glass.

I always say to myself that I am going to count how many drinks I have but I never remember and the following day is always forfeited.


I go around nine o’clock because by midnight it is at capacity and difficult to enjoy as it is a small venue but three hours is just about as long as I can handle being in a permanent state of horniness not to mention justify bleeding singles.

The day after a night of Jumbo’s I usually dig on my take out Thai or Chinese and think of those strong long dancer legs and thick tight asses and I thank The Lord of Lords that there is a dive bar that is committed to corrupting my mind, body and spirit in such despicable fashion.

Jumbo’s Clown Room, you jump start my dark and dirty and you do it with the very best brand of voltage.

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