Top Round Roast Beef

Top Round Roast Beef: You Put the “Kick” in “Ass”

Holy Mary Mother of God, thank you Top Round Roast Beef for your existence. You are a refreshing presence in a city and an era that can easily forget the simple pleasures in life.

I know I can sometimes.

But then I meet somebody like you, old school in approach, playful and simple in design.  You are fun loving and charismatic and people gravitate to you because you’re a “what you see is what you get” kinda gal. You got that 50s rockabilly decor working and your menu harkens back to the old drive-in vibe of sandwiches, shakes and fries.

Just pull over, do it.
Just pull over, do it.

You are retro-cool and that’s all I would ever want you to be, you know why? Because I dig your style, baby. I dig your style.  You focus on one thing and one thing only: roast beef and you nailed it girl, you nailed it.

That's right, get in there.
That’s right, get in there.

There are at least a half dozen ways to dress up this decadent, slow roasted for 10 hours, delight and you can’t go wrong with any of them. I got the Beef and Cheese.

A simple combination of roast beef and cheese “wizz” with a slather of their Round Sauce, which is like a tangy ketchup au jus.

Oh, no, you didn't.
Oh, no, you didn’t.

Thinly shaved, succulent and juicy pink roasted beef. Dripping with salty love.

Who told you it was okay to taste so damn good?

Just put on some high heels why don't cha!
Just put on some high heels why don’t cha!

I accompanied it with an Oreo milkshake and an order of their Gravy Fries; I was ready to party. It literally was like I was five years old celebrating my birthday. I’m not fucking around, it was that much fun.

Shakes with this meal are a must and they make many different kinds along with malts, sundaes, floats and frozen custards.

Their curly fries are fried in 100% beef fat! Then for there ‘gravy fries’ they add beef drippings and ends, just fuck off with your fine ass self.

The potato absorbs all of the extra roast beef flavor and then the texture of those little morsels of meaty joy thrown in… just order it. Please. I cannot be alone in this. Bring back gravy fries! I’ll organize a march, I just need your signature.

I'm bringing the gravy back to the fries, mark my words!
I’m bringing the gravy back to the fries, mark my words!

It’s a shame we can’t eat like this everyday. In the same way that it’s a shame there was only one recess period a day in grade school. We all should play more, laugh more, indulge our senses more.

I’m still gonna eat my salads, score my quinoa and sip my cold press juice, but now I know what to do and where to go when I am not.

Top Round Roast Beef meeting you this past Monday was my pleasure. All mine. You put the “Kick” in “Ass”.

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